Journal 4 (November 16th 2024)
Hello out there,
This is Hunter. I’m the other half of No Fltr. This week, I’m taking over our journal from David. I want to share some thoughts I’ve had while reflecting on myself this week.
Act I - Escapism
The first thing about me is that I’ve always liked being alone. Not "lonely," but more self-isolating and private, focusing on myself and my goals. A lot of my friends go out often and party. I’m not against it, but I don’t go out like that. I prefer having a few best friends who are “ride or dies,” people I can build something special with. I’m lucky to have found friends who challenge me to grow. This, to me, is far more important than just living for the weekend. I surround myself with creative people—musicians, artists, fashion designers, writers—and I feed off their energy for creation. We push each other to be better.
I’ve always been drawn to art and the mystery behind creating it. I started playing guitar when I was 5, began writing songs at 13, and joined bands when I was 16. I’ve always seen musicians as magicians, blurring reality and forcing every listener to escape within a song. I get asked a lot why I like music, and the answer is simple: I want to escape from reality. I have a deep connection to art because it provides something I’ve always felt was missing. I searched for it in people, movies, working out, video games, and other things but never quite found it. I’ve met many people who do the 9-to-5 corporate grind but come to me to create music and escape. Music gives me purpose.
Act II - Fear
I never really knew how to cope with failure. I was raised to give my best and then some. No matter what my mental state was, I was pushed to perform and succeed. “All or nothing.” This mindset crippled me growing up and pushed people away because I was too intense. My fear of failure even kept me from showing up for things sometimes because I was too scared. I’ve always been controlling of the things around me—not out of ego, but because I feared not doing my absolute best. I’m very self-conscious. However, I’m learning that I can’t give 100% of my time and energy to everything I do, even though I still tend to sometimes. I now realize that my fear of not being good enough is rooted in self-doubt. I’m getting better at loving myself and pushing myself out of my comfort zone to grow. Fear will not stop me from becoming a better version of myself.
Act III - Love
I never really knew what love was. I saw it in movies and heard about it from others, but I never truly figured it out. I think I’ve fallen in love a few times, but I can’t really be sure what it was. Was it just having someone there to cure my deep loneliness and depression? Or was it something new and exciting? Regardless, it was something, and it felt special—whatever it was. Now that I’m a little older, I’m still just as confused about what love really means. I’ve recently come to the realization that we are alone for most of our lives. People come and go. It takes a lifetime to learn how to love yourself.
Thanks for reading my journal this week. What resonated with you the most? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Best,
Hunter from No Fltr
